Getting divorced? Have children? Stop and think for a
moment about the effect of your divorce on them.
Splitting up with your spouse without splitting up with the children - how to
minimize the effect of your divorce on a child
Protecting Children From The Negative Impact Of Divorce by:
Anne Wolski
Anyone who has been through the rigors of divorce knows how
emotionally and physically difficult a time it can be. Often, we forget
about the effect it is having on the children who can sometimes believe
that they are somehow to blame. It is important for the children to
receive appropriate help during this stressful time and to be assured
that they are not at fault and that both parents still love them very
much.
As hard as it may be at the time, both parents need to be civil toward
one another and work out an arrangement that is in the best interests of
the children while still allowing the parents to meet their own needs as
well. It is far better to do this yourselves than to put everyone
through the distress of a court and having an arbitrary decision made
for you.
This is a time when both parents need to work together to help the
children. Even if one parent fails to honor their commitment to help the
children, the other parent still needs to do the best they can to be
responsible in this situation.
You should not keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to
tell them when you make your decision and what is going to happen. Try
to give them at least a little bit of notice before the parent moves out
so that the child can have the time to deal with it and ask questions.
Reassure the child that both parents are still going to be there for
them and that nothing has changed in that sense.
Avoid playing the blame game when talking to the children. Putting the
other parent down leads to insecurity on the part of the children. They
need to know that both parents are still able to be trusted and depended
upon. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did
your best to avoid this ending.
Make your child aware that they are not going to be able to get the both
of you back together. Tell them that there is nothing that they can do
to make the situation go away. Also make it clear to them where they are
going to live and that they can see the other parent any time they want
to. You can tell them that there may be some changes in that later on,
but it is not going to affect their relationship. Give them the
opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have for you both.
An important factor is your reactions in front of the children. It’s
easy to display negative emotions when facing divorce but the children
can do without the extra upset. They need to feel safe and secure in the
knowledge that both parents love them and don’t want to upset them in
any way.
You should never fight with the other parent in front of the children.
This will be very disturbing to the children and may cause them to be
fearful of what may happen in the future. You should not speak badly
about the other parent either. You have to be very careful not to call
the other parent names or talk negatively about anything that they have
done.
Never keep the children away from the other parent unless they are in
danger of anything. You should let the children see the parent when they
feel the need to. Let them know that they can call them anytime and you
will be happy to drive them to see you’re soon to ex spouse’s residence
any time that they want.
Never forget your responsibility to the children. To continue to be a
good parent, even if you do not have custody, means communicating with
them. Despite the fact that divorce can be very traumatic for parents,
you need to keep up your strength for the sake of the children.
Don’t shower them with money and gifts but give them your time. That is
the most important thing at this time. Don’t make promises if you can’t
keep them and never, never abandon them, either physically or
emotionally.
If you think that the child needs to have therapy, you should make the
necessary arrangements. If they need to talk to a professional let them,
as this is going to help a child in the long run. It is crucial to the
children to be able to discuss their feelings and to be reassured that
they have nothing to worry about concerning the divorce. It is nothing
to be ashamed of and the child should be made to feel comfortable about
all that is going on around them.
About the author
Anne Wolski has
worked in the health and welfare industry for more than 30 years. She is
the owner of http://www.mummansun.com, a discount retail outlet, and a
co-director of http://www.betterhealthshoppe.com which is an information
portal with many interesting medical articles. She is also an associate
of http://www.timzbiz.com which features many articles on internet
marketing and resources.
Source: www.articlecube.com